Contradictions
by Bella Elizabeth Malfoy
Summary: I regret to say that Draco Malfoy has decided to leave Hogwarts, Dumbledore continued. Hey Hermione, Harry nudged her. Aren't you glad Malfoy's gone? Yeah, Hermione said giving a weak smile. The truth was she knew all along that Malfoy had left.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

"Mmpf pashyegf."

"What did you say Ron?" Hermione asked, looking up from her breakfast.

Ron chewed and swallowed with a big gulp. "I said, can you please pass the eggs."

"Jeez Ron, slow down, the food's not gonna run out you know," teased Harry.

"Hey you never know. Those elves could quit any day now what with Hermione's spew and all."

"It's S.P.E.W! How many times -"

"Attention everyone!" Dumbledore's booming voice interrupted Hermione's rant.

As always, the Great Hall immediately quieted down.

"Thank you," Dumbledore continued. "As you may have noticed, our Head Boy, Draco Malfoy, is not with us for breakfast today. I regret to say that he has decided to leave Hogwarts and change schools."

A loud crescendo of murmurs immediately rose as everyone looked at the Slytherin table. Sure enough, Draco was absent from his usual seat.

Over at the Gryffindor table, the cheerful mood increased.

"Change schools my ass...he probably went to Voldemort to train for the war," Ron said.

"Well whatever the reason," Seamus said. "At least we got rid of the biggest scum in the school."

Everyone heartily agreed and the boys couldn't help but give loud whoops. Harry looked over at Hermione and noticed that she was unusually quiet.

"Hey Hermione," Harry nudged her. "Aren't you glad Malfoy's gone?"

"Huh? Oh..erm..yeah. I guess I just have a lot on my mind, finals are coming up you know."

"Oh Hermione, NOTHING really can be more important than school to you," Harry said, shaking his head jokingly.

"Yeah," Hermione said giving a weak smile.

The truth was, she knew all along that Malfoy had left.

_Flashback..._

Hermione woke up bright and early feeling quite excited for the day. They had practicals in Defense Against the Dark Arts and she couldn't wait to try out the new spells they learned. She looked out her window at a beautiful sunny day, which was a treat considering it was only early March. She went down the stairs into the common room and noticed that it was quiet.

_Hmm..Malfoy must not be up yet. Can this day get any better?_

She was about to walk out the door when a white envelope caught her eye. She walked over to the coffee table and picked up the envelope. She stared at the only thing on the front: her name written in an elegant scrawl. She dropped the envelope as if it burned her. She recognized the handwriting instantly. _Malfoy_. She wanted to open it but part of her was afraid of what it was going to say.

_It's just Malfoy. What can it possibly say? Probably just letting me know of some Head business and didn't want to physically talk to me._ But Hermione knew she was lying to herself. It's true that Malfoy had been avoiding her lately but it was better than him taunting her all the time. She thought that maybe he just realized the "mudblood scum" wasn't even worth his time. But her gut feeling said it was something more than that.

_Well whatever it is, I won't be shoved aside like some servant. If he has something to say he should say it directly to me. _

With that, she stormed up the stairs toward Draco's room and pounded on the door.

"Malfoy! Malfoy open up! Who do you think you are, leaving around envelopes for me to read as if I was a servant waiting for your messages so I can do your bidding? Malfoy open up!"

With all the racket she was making, she was sure Malfoy would open the door red in the face, telling her to stop her screeching or something. So when nothing happened, Hermione became curious. She tried the doorknob and surprisingly it was unlocked. When she stepped into the room, Hermione gasped with shock. The whole room was empty. The bed didn't even have sheets on it. It looked exactly like how they found it on the first day of school, before Dumbledore allowed them to personalize their room. She knew then that Malfoy had left. So she made her way back to the common room.

Hermione stared at the envelope warily as if it would bite. The loud ringing of the breakfast bell jolted her from her thoughts. She quickly left the common room leaving the envelope behind.

Loud applause pulled Hermione from her thoughts.

"...He will be our new Head Boy until the end of the school year," Dumbledore was saying.

Hermione looked up and saw Ernie McMillan, a Hufflepuff, proudly puffing his chest to display his badge.

_He's a good student but the badge looks sorta wrong on him._

No matter how evil Malfoy was, Hermione couldn't deny that he was intelligent. He was second only to her and even then, their marks were always really close. And he was certainly responsible. Though most of his activities were questionable and even hurtful, when he said he was going to do something, he would commit to it no matter what. His word was certainly worth its weight in gold.

_Hermione shut up! What the hell are you thinking? 'His word is gold'? How sappy can you get? Snap out of it. This is Malfoy we're talking about - you know, pureblood prat extraordinaire, ferret face! Now look at Ernie - he's nice and he would certainly be a better dorm mate than the prick._

She knew she should give Ernie a chance but let's face it, the guy was an absolute bore. He was the very definition of a geek - keen to do everything teachers tell him to and zero personality. Sure he was nice, Hermione even tried talking to him before. But all the guy could talk about was Arithmancy - how one can predict/calculate anything and everything and how he had created his own language using only arithmancy. _The Heads Dorm sure won't be the same now. _Hermione found herself suddenly missing Malfoy and his scathing remarks. _At least with him it was never boring. Frustrating and aggravating, sure but never boring. The letter!_ For some reason, she wanted to rush out to her common room and read the letter, if only to hear his sarcasm again. But it was time for class and it would look weird if she suddenly ran out the Great Hall. She gave Ernie a congratulatory smile and went to class.

All day, Hermione couldn't wait for the day to end. As usual, no one really noticed. They just interpreted her restlessness as eagerness to do more schoolwork. _Malfoy was the only one who ever really saw more to me than just brains. Sure, it was that I was muggleborn and therefore lower than fungi, and that I had huge bushy hair and didn't care much for primping using make up and stuff- even though according to him I really needed it...but at least it's better than people always noticing just one thing about me: Hermione smart._ Finally, the day came to a close and after dinner Hermione made her way to her common room after telling her friends she still had homework to do. As usual, her friends bought the excuse, do they really expect anything else from her? She was a bit surprised to see Ernie there already reading an arithmancy book and he was about to say something when Hermione cut him off giving the same excuse and heading up to her room.

"But Hermione, there's a letter for you," Ernie said waving the white envelope.

_Oh right. I left it there on the floor._

"Thanks, Ernie," she flashed him a smile. "I really have to do homework now."

"So it really is true what they say about you - all school, all the time. You know you should have some fun once in a while, we can calculate some quantums sometime - those are a blast."

"Uh, yeah, some other time," Hermione said, though she was seething from the school comment. As soon as the envelope was in her hand, she ran up to her room and resisted the urge to slam the door. She took a deep breath and pushed her anger aside to focus on the envelope. _I never thought I'd see the day when I would prefer hearing something Malfoy has to say over what other people have to say._

Hermione slowly opened the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of paper that smelled faintly of Malfoy's cologne.

Oddly enough, she was comforted by this and began to read.

_Hermione,_

_I don't even know how to start this. I guess I'll start by saying sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the times I may have hurt you (even though you hurt me too - you sure know how to throw a punch), especially for the times I called you mudblood. You didn't deserve it then and you don't deserve it now. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise._

Hermione was about to put the letter down in shock when -

_Please don't stop reading, this isn't a joke. _

I guess he really does know me more than I thought.

_I'm sure by now, you know that I've left. And I know that you probably won't believe me when I tell you this but here goes - I switched. Sides, that is. I decided to do what you said and I asked Dumbledore for help. I left because Voldemort has called his followers to gather them for the war. I decided to go and be a spy for the light. And that's all _

_thanks to you. Do you remember that day when you told me to go to Dumbledore?_

Hermione remembered that day well...

_Flashback_

She had just returned from the Gryffindor common room upset because when she came in she found Harry and Ron in a playful heated debate about quidditch. Always feeling left out every time they talked about quidditch (which was often), Hermione decided to interrupt the boys.

"Why don't you guys enlighten me about all that is quidditch so I can become a referee for your debates?" she said with a smile.

"Why would you want to learn about it 'Mione, it's not required for school," Ron said. As if that wasn't bad enough,

"Besides," Ron added chuckling. "You would just take the fun out of it. It would be all objective and stuff. Quidditch needs passion! The fact that your arguments don't make sense is what makes it fun."

"Oh and so you think I'm not capable of feeling passionate about something, that it's all about school?!" And with that, she stormed out of the common room and headed for her dorm.

And so here she was all upset and when she stepped into the Heads' common room she found Draco Malfoy sitting on the couch doing his homework. He looked up at the sound of the portrait slamming.

"Hello, Mudblood," he said nonchalantly.

That was the last straw for Hermione. She was already brimming with rage and she had just found an outlet.

"That's it!" she screamed. "Why do you keep calling me that Ferret?! It's not even creative anymore! Have you finally run out of things to say about me, just like everyone else?! Do you just see that one thing about me - my bloodline?! Do you even mean it?"

She spoke the last question softly as she had run out of steam. Finally, she just broke down and started crying. Then she remembered who she was with and her voice got stronger again.

"I don't even know why you bother!" Hermione continued, with tears streaming down her face. "I know you don't mean it. Why keep up the facade? I know there's some good in you Draco Malfoy. Why don't you just go to Dumbledore? He'll help you," she was pleading now. The tears continued to flow down her face. "Whatever it is you're going through, I'm sure he can help you. Go to Dumbledore... please...Draco."

"You know nothing about what I'm going through!" Draco had told her before running up to his room and slamming the door. He had avoided her ever since.

Hermione felt a tear slide down her cheek. She continued reading the letter.

_I know I avoided you since then and maybe you thought I hated you even more, but I didn't. Honestly, I didn't know what to say to you. When you told me you saw through my taunts, I had no idea what other words besides insults to use around you. But in the end, I think I avoided you because I was afraid - I was afraid that if I faced you, I would have to apologize and thank you, and while I would certainly have meant them, saying those words to your face would open the floodgates and cause me to breakdown. Once I said those words, I know that I would end up telling you everything and I wasn't sure I was up to that. I don't know how you knew, but it's true. By that point, I was having serious doubts about the Dark Lord's teachings. I knew that everything he stood for was not only wrong, it was also a big lie. Who is he to talk about purity of blood when he himself is a half-blood? He himself was a contradiction to his cause. But he is too powerful. No matter how big my doubts were, I couldn't see a way out. They were going to kill me if I didn't join them. But then, you came in that day and told me to go to Dumbledore. I don't know how you saw some "good" in me as you said, I know for sure I didn't do anything to deserve it, but it got me thinking: Maybe if Hermione has hope in me, maybe...maybe then the risk would be worth it, even if only to show her that she was right...to show myself that I was worthy of what she saw in me._

_I really do owe everything to you. Not just for pushing me to go to Dumbledore but do you know that you were the reason I started to have doubts? You are such a contradiction! You contradicted everything I was taught. Here you are, a muggleborn witch who I was taught to hate. I was taught that muggleborns were lower, that they were stupid, that they were greedy and underhanded, that they should be subservient, that they were ugly. But you single handedly shattered all those ideas. You were always higher than me - not only in class standings but in morals, purity, and character. You were a muggleborn and yet you were the smartest witch of our age. As for greedy and underhanded, you are the most generous person I know. You're always putting others before yourself and you are the most loyal person I know. Instead of submitting to me as I expected, you were the only one whoever dared stand up to me. Not only are you NOT subservient, but you have this fire in you that's hard to put out. I have seen more passion in you, in what you believe in, than in anyone else I know combined. To top it all off, you're beautiful. Yes, you. You have an inner beauty that just shines and outdoes all the girls in this school._

How many times has that been said? Inner beauty, of course, that's what a lot of people say to me to be polite.

_But more than that, you are beautiful on the outside too. It's true. I know you don't think so because I see you hang your head just a little every time a so called pretty girl latches on to Potter or Weasley. But you have to believe me. I myself am a contradiction. I keep telling you one thing when I totally mean the opposite. Every time I make fun of your hair, I want to run my fingers through it. Every time I make fun of the way you don't use makeup and tell you that you desperately need it, I'm admiring the way you're naturally beautiful and the way you're courageous enough to go against the flow. You're beautiful Hermione, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise._

_Hmm, I know I'm sounding a little sappy right now. I...I don't know, I guess I just really wanted to thank you and let you know what I really thought of you. So thank you. I don't know how or why but thank you for hoping in me. I don't expect you to like me or be friends with me or anything. I just hope that you will forgive me and believe me. Just knowing those two things will make all this, even the loss of my life, all worth it._

_Draco Malfoy_

Hermione choked back a sob. Her face was drenched with tears as she remembered how she saw the good in Draco.

_Flashback_

It was over the Christmas holidays. Dumbledore had told them that the war was approaching, possibly happening before the school year ended. So the Order had redoubled its efforts in preparing for the war. Everyone was needed, including the Golden Trio. Harry was sent to do more training with Dumbledore, Ron was helping coordinate strategies and battle plans, and Hermione was sent on a reconnaissance mission with Kingsley and Tonks. At first, Harry and Ron were against sending her to the Deatheaters' hideout but even they couldn't deny that Hermione's expertise with spells made her the best candidate out of the 3 of them. So Hermione went with Kingsley and Tonks to a suspected Deatheater hideout to see if they can find out some of Voldemort's plans. Tonks was to go in and disguise herself as a Deatheater while Kingsley and Hermione served as hidden back-up if something went wrong.

Upon arriving, Tonks had gone inside while Kingsley and Hermione separated to scout the place. As Hermione walked around the mansion, she heard voices coming from a low window. Careful to keep herself hidden, Hermione looked through into what looked like a cellar. The window only had bars and no glass so Hermione could hear everything quite clearly. There was a little girl huddled with someone who Hermione presumed was her mother as she was trying to calm the crying child. Suddenly, the door opened and a Deatheater walked in. The girl started to shriek.

"Ssh!" The Deatheater said, surprisingly soft but urgent.

_I know that voice..._

Sure enough, the Deatheater took his hood off and Hermione was startled to see Draco. Draco knelt down and spoke to the child.

"Don't worry, I'm here to let you go, but for this to work you have to be very quiet ok?"

The little girl nodded.

"Where's my husband?" The mother fearfully asked.

"I'm afraid I don't know where they've taken him," Draco said looking up. Hermione could see the sorrow in his eyes. "I'll try my best to find out and help him. But right now we have to hurry."

Draco made his way toward the window and Hermione quickly darted out of sight. With a spell, he broke the bars and helped the mother and daughter climb out. After getting whispered directions, the two captives ran off. From then on, Hermione realized that there was something more to Draco than just an evil prat.

When they returned to school after the holidays, Hermione was careful to watch Draco a little more closely. Sure enough, though he still looked down on everyone and taunted his classmates, Hermione noticed that his remarks have lost their hard edge. While he still insulted Hermione as before, the words have lost their former hostility. Hermione suspected that most of what he does was now just a front to keep up appearances.

Her suspicions were confirmed when one night as she stayed up late to finish a paper for Potions, she heard screaming coming from Draco's room. Frightened but curious, she hurried to his room and magically unlocked the door. She was somewhat relieved that it was just Draco, still sleeping by himself in the room, that he wasn't under attack, but the sight that met her eyes was disturbing. Draco was thrashing around in his bed and his forehead was shining with sweat.

"Stop it! Stop it!" he was yelling. "Don't kill them! They didn't do anything! Don't kill them," his voice was reduced to whimpering. "They didn't do anything. Please, don't kill them. Their blood is red, so red, just like mine...just like mine," he repeated softly.

As he calmed down, Hermione crept closer. She could see that he was crying - tears were streaming down his cheeks even though he was still asleep. Hermione was so distressed and felt so bad about what Draco must have seen. She felt sorry for and worried about the boy who was forced to do things he didn't want to and who was brought up in such a destructive environment. But she was also proud of him for at least seeing the truth. She had sorted out all these feelings after she returned to her room and thought about all that happened. In the meantime, she just wanted to make sure that Malfoy was going to be alright. She took a damp towel and carefully wiped Draco's face to get rid of his tears and to cool him down. She made sure that she did it carefully enough so as not to wake him. Luckily, Draco was so exhausted from his nightmare, he didn't stir. Hermione then tucked the blankets around him and left quietly.

The episode repeated itself several times over the next few months and every time it happened, Hermione was there to make sure that Draco was okay in the end. She wanted to tell Dumbledore about the incidents but she felt that it wasn't her business to tell him, since it wasn't like it was life-threatening or anything. Also, with each night that it happened, Hermione was slowly starting to be drawn to her unfortunate classmate. Part of her was hoping that he would be willing to be friends with her and tell her what he was going through on his own. This was mainly the reason why she didn't tell Dumbledore, in fear that he would push Draco to confess. So every night, Hermione quietly helped Draco, and every morning, she acted like nothing had happened.

Hermione took a deep, shuddering breath.

_Well, I guess he'll never know how much I actually cared._

She started to fold the letter when a postscript caught her eye.

_PS. Thank you for taking care of me all those nights. Hopefully someday, I can tell you personally how much that meant to me._

A small smile crept its way onto Hermione's face. She folded the letter carefully and reached for a piece of parchment on her desk.

_Draco,_

_Apology accepted. I believe you._

_Hermione_

After sealing the letter, she made her way to Dumbledore's office.

Author's note: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. For those who may have read this before, yes it's a repost. After receiving the spacing suggestions in the reviews I decided to fix it. This was my first story so I wasn't sure how to work the paragraph spacing and so the story was all bunched together when I first posted it. Please review!


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